Unquiet Desperation

I’m fortunate to have friends to game with who are witty and intelligent. We get together as a group once a week and from the Olde Fartz when we fire up Steam and play Left 4 Dead or Half Life 2: Deathmatch.

This week’s missive from Kris Johnson calling us to arms was outstanding, and must be shared.

Did someone say “Gunpowder Plot”? That means no crossbows, no rocket launchers, no gravity guns, no crowbars and no alien derezzers. Guy Fawkes wouldn’t have any of it, gentlemen! But Guy blew it, and not in the way he intended. His little plot might have gone more to his liking if he’d added zero-point energy weapons and red-hot rebar to the mix. I, for one, refuse to limit myself to gunpowder in deference to a FAILURE, sirs! I will use every resource, be it of terrestrial origin or brought here by dimension-hopping freakshows, to blast your sorry faces to oblivion! Remember, remember, the fifth of November The Crossbow with Rebar so Hot I can think of no reason The Crossbow with Rebar Should ever be forgot. Shotgun, shotgun, I double-tap To separate your skull from cap. A rocket launched into your eye Across the screen your corpse does fly; my laser tripmine laid in wait To halt your dash and foul your gait. Holloa boys, holloa boys, WASD! Holloa boys, holloa boys, the winner, it’s me!