Unquiet Desperation

Each year, I write a little essay for myself recapping the past 365 days. What I learned, what I didn’t, and what I hope to do in new year. This year, I was inspired by Mur’s recent “State of the Mur” podcast to share it everyone instead of keeping it to myself this year.

What has Chris learned in the past year?

• There are some amazing people in the world. I have met some of the most amazing, interesting, and intelligent people in the past year, all through podcasting and the internet. The work I do with Podiobooks.com, the Harping Monkey, Second Life, and the RPG Podcasters has introduced me to a group of people I now consider close friends, even if I only get to see them once or twice a year. Something that J.C. Hutchins said to me in a Skype conversation rings true: “The people I’ve met through podcasting have restored my faith in humanity.” I couldn’t agree more. Special thanks go to Evo, Tee, JC, Mur, Steve, Mick, KJ, Julia, Deo, Thayan, ArcaneGomi, miniTotoro, Rae, Ray, PG, Leann, Nev, Sarah, JJ, Chuck Lonnie, Michelle B, Michelle N, all the Podiobook authors, and all the RPG Podcasters. You’ve all been amazing.
• You can have too much of a good thing This past year, I really overcommitted myself. All of it on cool projects and interesting things, but still…there is only so much time in the week, and by the time of this writing, I’ve filled my 90 of my 112 waking hours a week with one project or another, usually client or podcasting work. No. I’m not kidding. THe last six months has been particularly bad, as I’ve been trying to work at a day job 40+ hours a week, do side work for my own business, and keep up with Podiobooks, the Harping Monkey, etc. I’ll be scaling back on this in 2007…mostly on the business side.
• Organized Religion is bunk. This one is complicated. I’ve been trying to figure out what I think about Life, the Universe, and Everything since I was sixteen, when I left the Catholic Church and started looking at other faiths and religions. It’s been nineteen years, and I’m prepared to give an answer now. The only thing that makes any sense to me is a naturalistic, agnostic Buddhism with a sprinkling of Jungian symbolism and a dose of celtic spirituality. I’m just this side of atheism, and my buddy Jim can attest to based on our many discussions. The only reason I’m not an atheist is because I’m not willing to commit to the stance that There Is No God. It’s been my experience that most gods, be they pagan, Christian, or other, are usually formed in our own likeness and image, and are more of a personified amalgam of believers’ accepted morals and ethics. Still…to claim to know for sure that there is no god seems a bit like looking at a faraway star and, without the full means to see what is there, claim that there are no planets circling it. I’m not that we can conclusively say there is no god. We cannot prove that god exists, but we also cannot claim to have the full breadth of science that allows us to look into every nook and cranny of the cosmos yet, either.¹ Regardless…the majority of dogma and silliness surrounds which “holy” book is true is a load of crap. More trouble has been caused by organized religion than anything else in the history of the world, and for my part, I’m done with it.²
• Following your instincts and trusting yourself leads to happiness. This is probably pretty obvious, but it’s an important lesson I learned this year…how to be honest with myself about my strengths and weakness. When you know you need to do something, stop tossing blocks in your own way and DO it. Anything else is just a bunch of excuses.
• If you provide something worthwhile, people will support it. I’ve witnessed the power of it with Podiobooks, with the model Steve Eley has created with Escape Pod and Pseudopod, and with the fine group of podcasters in the RPG scene. If you provide a good service or product for free, and ask for a donation, good people will help you. Creative Commons works. That’s far more inspiring to me than any new business venture or making a profit. When people donate to Podiobooks, it means they like the work that we, and our authors, do. It’s freely given…not a charge. The change in perspective is powerful, and it’s one that I hope will shape the industry in the years to come.
• Macs rule. I love my Macbook. I’ll never go back to Windows.

That’s probably not all of it, but those are the high points. I’m not one for making resolutions for the next year, but on my list of what I want to do are things like finding more time for family and friends, scaling way back on the coding work I do, and bringing my podcast, Unquiet Desperation, back from the dead — among other things. I also want to write more, both here and in some sort of short story format. And, frankly, I need to lose about 150 pounds. I’m fat, and it’s killing me slowly. I know it…and I’m attending to it with the help of my wife, a kind and patient soul whom I do not deserve.

Well…it’s late. I need sleep, then I have three days to relax before heading back to the office. I plan on enjoying them.

If I do not see you all before then…have a happy new year!

1. And yes, I know that it falls on the individual to prove the existence of something, and to ask to prove the non-existence of something is impossible. What I’m saying is that we are not done learning yet.[back]
2. Yes…there will be a long essay about this in the future. Lucky you.[back]