Unquiet Desperation

One of my favorite retellings of a classic tale is the John Aegard’s short story “The Great Old Pumpkin.” It’s the tale of Linus waiting for the Great Pumpkin, but instead of the childlike innocence engendered by the original Charles M. Schultz story, it has a Lovecraftian bent. Steve Eley did a reading of it for Escape Pod back in 2005, and I’m going to take advantage of the Creative Commons license and toss it into my feed this week.

As you are no doubt aware, I am the issue of solid Dutch stock‚ the prosperous Van Pelt family of St. Paul. Mine was a comfortable and happy childhood, and I spent much of it in the devoted service of the Great Old Pumpkin. For him, I cultivated an annual pumpkin patch. I also evangelized him in the community, relating the tale of how, every year on Hallowmas Eve, the day when the spiritual most strongly encroaches on the substantial, this mightiest of gourds would rise to revel across the world with the most sincere of his adorers. My neighbors were understandably skeptical; after all, not once had this superbeing ever chosen to grace my pumpkin patch or any other place in our town. I vowed that I would coax him into my backyard, and I set out in the manner of a learned man to discover how I might do this.

So, get out those Elder Signs and watch out for the fish-men…it’s story time.

And for more great stories, check out Escape Pod, Pseudopod, and Pod Castle.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Author note: This was originally published in Steve Eley’s The Podcast Pedant. I came across it recently, and it still rang true with me, so I thought I’d give it another airing. Enjoy.

I have a bad habit of overcommitting myself. No…wait…that’s not quite right. I have a bad habit of committing myself and then mismanaging my time. It’s a character flaw, and one that I’m working to correct. However…one of the inevitable consequences of my time mismanagement is that, sooner or later, I begin to feel as though I am being pecked to death by ducks. Everything piles up, and all I want to do it run and hide until it goes away.

I know what I should do: bear down, shoulder to the grindstone, nose to the wheel…or something like that. Still, when it all feels like the Myth of Sisyphus, I want to slink off to the local Barnes & Noble, buy a coffee, and read graphic novels.

(more…)

To say that DragonCon is large a bit like saying the ocean is salty. Intellectually you know it to be true, but nothing can prepare you for the real thing.

I don’t think I’ve ever been around so many people at once. So many people, and yet, so many different types of people. When you go to Origins or Gencon, you are surrounded by gamers. You know them, and there are certain commonalities you can count on…a certain squint even behind the glasses, a certain sense of humor, a common language. It’s the same at any large conference you go to. Now…that gaming Con and put it in the same place as a movie con, comic con sci-fi con, goth con, pagan con, fetish con, anglophile con, and podcasting con.

It’s…immense. Vast. Totally overwhelming and completely astonishing at the same time.

Because of DragonCon, I’ve had to totally redefine my definition of the word ‘fan.’ I used to think I was a fan of Doctor Who, Battlestar, and certain comics. I now realize that I merely enjoy them. These people….these are the true fans.

The costumes, of course, are amazing. At one point when getting together with fellow members of the Order of the Digital Trebuchet, we saw one of those things that can only happen at a con like this. We were standing around waiting to leave for lunch in the atrium of the Hyatt when there was a gasp from the crowd around us. We looked around to see point point up at the sixth floor balcony where the Batman was standing, gazing out over the crowd. The costume was amazing. Then Robin emerged from behind him. It was picture perfect, and more, evoked the real feeling of the character. He was not standing up there and waving…he was completely in character, a stony gaze impassively surveying the crowd. It was perfect.

I’ve mentioned in Round Table podcasts that I go to conventions for the social aspect, to meet up with online and friends and fellow podcasters. My wife Cathy agreed to come to this one with me (against her better judgment, I think, thought she confesses to nothing), and together we had an Adventure.

Day 1

We took the 11:15am flight from Cleveland to Atlanta. Leaving CLE was a bit of a mess, and with the amount of time we spent taxiing you could have sworn we were driving to Atlanta. We arrived in Atlanta fifteen minutes late, then headed down to baggage claim.

Looking back, baggage claim is where the unravelling of the trip started. The big signal was that, on the list matching flights to luggage carousels, there was no listing for a flight from Cleveland. After about twenty minutes of hunting we finally found Cathy’s bag on one of the belts and stationed ourselves to grab my suitcase.

And we waited.

And waited.

The bag never showed up. Somehow, these folks lost my bag. How the hell do you lost a bag on a direct flight??

We waited in line, lodged the paperwork with the airline, and were assured that the bag would be delivered to our hotel by 6pm that evening. We went outside, nabbed a cab, and headed off to the hotel.

The Sheraton in Downtown Atlanta was actually pretty nice. It was one block from the Hilton (one of the three hotels that DragonCon takes over each year), and has a great staff. Everyone was friendly and helpful, and that took some of the sting out of the missing suitcase angst.

In the elevator heading up to our room, Cathy commented, “Damn. There are a lot of black men in really good shape in Atlanta. Did you see some of the guys out in the lobby, Totally cut.” The significance of this would hit home a little later, when we found out that our hotels was hoteling the Atlanta Black Gay/Bi Convention. Like DragonCon…some of the costumes were jaw-dropping.

We met up with P.G. and Liza Holyfield (who were staying in the same hotel) and headed off to grab some dinner. Thanks to Shannon Farrell and the wonder of twitter, we wound up at Max Lager’s after registering, and had a fantastic meal. You could tell that DragonCon puts a strain on the local resources…the pub was out of 40% of it’s beer selection.

After dinner, it was off to Mur’s reading of two chapters from Playing for Keeps. She’s going to podcast the whole thing, and based on those two chapters, I cannot wait to hear it.

After that, we started the trek toward room 1935, where the much-anticipated Scott Sigler/J.C. Hutchins Pimps and Hos party was being held. Along the way, we tracked down Sam Chupp, Natalie Metzger, and her husband Andy, who joined our merry band in search of a free elevator to get us to the party.

The Pimps and Hos party was, as expected, completely insane and a really good time. The beer and booze selection was outstanding, the company was superb. I’m not going to go into too much detail on this…but…let’s just say that what happens at a Pimps and Hos party had better stay at the Pimps and Hos party. Highlights included Soupbone, the Sigler-pimp persona, Tee Morris’s excellent selection of tunes, Command Line’s advice on good beers, Cmar’s Cthulu Pimpwear, Steve Eley’s pimp and CunningMinx’s ho outfits, J.R. Blackwell’s fangs, Beatnik Turtle playing out on the balcony, Mur and J.C. tending bar,  discussing the future of podcasting with Earl Newton, and generally getting to meet/party with these folks that I’ve been emailing, messaging, and listening to for so long.

My wife was an absolute saint and allowed me to become the drunken fool that I am at certain times. She left around midnight with P.G. and Liza, and I stayed…

Didn’t get back from that one until 4am. When I got back to the room, was my missing luggage there?

No.

Saturday morning was a rough one.

(to be continued in the next post)

Each year, I write a little essay for myself recapping the past 365 days. What I learned, what I didn’t, and what I hope to do in new year. This year, I was inspired by Mur’s recent “State of the Mur” podcast to share it everyone instead of keeping it to myself this year.

What has Chris learned in the past year?

• There are some amazing people in the world. I have met some of the most amazing, interesting, and intelligent people in the past year, all through podcasting and the internet. The work I do with Podiobooks.com, the Harping Monkey, Second Life, and the RPG Podcasters has introduced me to a group of people I now consider close friends, even if I only get to see them once or twice a year. Something that J.C. Hutchins said to me in a Skype conversation rings true: “The people I’ve met through podcasting have restored my faith in humanity.” I couldn’t agree more. Special thanks go to Evo, Tee, JC, Mur, Steve, Mick, KJ, Julia, Deo, Thayan, ArcaneGomi, miniTotoro, Rae, Ray, PG, Leann, Nev, Sarah, JJ, Chuck Lonnie, Michelle B, Michelle N, all the Podiobook authors, and all the RPG Podcasters. You’ve all been amazing.
• You can have too much of a good thing This past year, I really overcommitted myself. All of it on cool projects and interesting things, but still…there is only so much time in the week, and by the time of this writing, I’ve filled my 90 of my 112 waking hours a week with one project or another, usually client or podcasting work. No. I’m not kidding. THe last six months has been particularly bad, as I’ve been trying to work at a day job 40+ hours a week, do side work for my own business, and keep up with Podiobooks, the Harping Monkey, etc. I’ll be scaling back on this in 2007…mostly on the business side.
• Organized Religion is bunk. This one is complicated. I’ve been trying to figure out what I think about Life, the Universe, and Everything since I was sixteen, when I left the Catholic Church and started looking at other faiths and religions. It’s been nineteen years, and I’m prepared to give an answer now. The only thing that makes any sense to me is a naturalistic, agnostic Buddhism with a sprinkling of Jungian symbolism and a dose of celtic spirituality. I’m just this side of atheism, and my buddy Jim can attest to based on our many discussions. The only reason I’m not an atheist is because I’m not willing to commit to the stance that There Is No God. It’s been my experience that most gods, be they pagan, Christian, or other, are usually formed in our own likeness and image, and are more of a personified amalgam of believers’ accepted morals and ethics. Still…to claim to know for sure that there is no god seems a bit like looking at a faraway star and, without the full means to see what is there, claim that there are no planets circling it. I’m not that we can conclusively say there is no god. We cannot prove that god exists, but we also cannot claim to have the full breadth of science that allows us to look into every nook and cranny of the cosmos yet, either.¹ Regardless…the majority of dogma and silliness surrounds which “holy” book is true is a load of crap. More trouble has been caused by organized religion than anything else in the history of the world, and for my part, I’m done with it.²
• Following your instincts and trusting yourself leads to happiness. This is probably pretty obvious, but it’s an important lesson I learned this year…how to be honest with myself about my strengths and weakness. When you know you need to do something, stop tossing blocks in your own way and DO it. Anything else is just a bunch of excuses.
• If you provide something worthwhile, people will support it. I’ve witnessed the power of it with Podiobooks, with the model Steve Eley has created with Escape Pod and Pseudopod, and with the fine group of podcasters in the RPG scene. If you provide a good service or product for free, and ask for a donation, good people will help you. Creative Commons works. That’s far more inspiring to me than any new business venture or making a profit. When people donate to Podiobooks, it means they like the work that we, and our authors, do. It’s freely given…not a charge. The change in perspective is powerful, and it’s one that I hope will shape the industry in the years to come.
• Macs rule. I love my Macbook. I’ll never go back to Windows.

That’s probably not all of it, but those are the high points. I’m not one for making resolutions for the next year, but on my list of what I want to do are things like finding more time for family and friends, scaling way back on the coding work I do, and bringing my podcast, Unquiet Desperation, back from the dead — among other things. I also want to write more, both here and in some sort of short story format. And, frankly, I need to lose about 150 pounds. I’m fat, and it’s killing me slowly. I know it…and I’m attending to it with the help of my wife, a kind and patient soul whom I do not deserve.

Well…it’s late. I need sleep, then I have three days to relax before heading back to the office. I plan on enjoying them.

If I do not see you all before then…have a happy new year!

1. And yes, I know that it falls on the individual to prove the existence of something, and to ask to prove the non-existence of something is impossible. What I’m saying is that we are not done learning yet.[back]
2. Yes…there will be a long essay about this in the future. Lucky you.[back]